The Hand’s On Fundraiser – Mary Cahalane
By Mary Cahalane
Does wading into a room full of strangers terrify you? Are you sure you’ll have nothing to say? Afraid you’ll embarrass yourself with your tied-up tongue?
Never fear.
I’m an introvert who likes people, but I find the idea of glad-handing, networking or otherwise behaving like my extroverted colleagues intimidating. And I’ve been doing this for decades.
So here are a few donor relations tips to help you navigate the crowded ballroom.
Tip 1: People is not a collective noun (in this case)
Thinking of “many” is more intimidating than thinking of individuals. One-on-one, we’re all just people. Take a moment and consider the person you should meet. She may also be wondering whether the babysitter got there on time, or how much that car repair will cost.
In other words, they’re only people. Just like you.
Tip 2: Use your data as your shield
If you’re psyching yourself up for an event, you may be able to do some studying beforehand. Think about a few of the people who will be at the event. Consider what you know about them already and prepare a conversation opener.
People are amazed when someone remembers something about them. It makes them feel special. And when you make someone feel special, they’ll think you’re pretty special, too.
(Don’t go all creeper here, of course. If your database has private information – a pending divorce, for example – you’re not going to start there.)
Tip 3: Seek out the people on the margins
You’re not the only one feeling a little awkward. Don’t rush to be the life of the party – chances are, they’re busy flitting from person to person anyway. Look for the quiet people, standing on the edges of conversations.
When you come over to talk to them, they won’t be looking over your shoulder for someone more interesting. They’ll be looking at you like you’re a hero.
Tip 4: You have two ears and one mouth
Attention – real attention – is a gift today. Ask open-ended questions: “What’s your connection with Org Z?” “What brought you here tonight?”
Then really listen. Look them in the eye, nod, and ask questions to learn more. If you treat your conversation partner as if she’s fascinating, she’ll think you’re fascinating!
Tip 5: When all else fails, be useful
I always loved being the person assigned to the registration table. What a great opportunity to put names and faces together! A little chit-chat – about the weather even – and you’ve already broken some ice. It will be easier to return to that person once you’re mingling.
Even when I haven’t been staffing an event, I’ve jumped in to help those who are. Those connections can be valuable as well. And when they talk to guests, they’ll introduce you. Connection made, painlessly.
Shyness doesn’t have to be a problem. Be empathetic, listen well, and think of the other person. Forget about yourself, and you’ll be charming.
The other key factor that helps
You can also spread a little gratitude and feel happier. If you’re a fundraiser, part of your calling is spreading gratitude. Does this sound like a familiar exchange?
“Thank you!”
“No, thank YOU!”
Saying thank you is an expected part of our social discourse. It smooths the way for simple – and more complex – conversations. Someone holds the door for you, and you say “Thanks.”
It’s civilization at work.
And while some thanks can seem rote, what happens when you begin paying attention to them? Offering them with intention, with heart?
Last week, I was reading Lisa Sargent’s wonderful book, Thankology. And after reading it, I’m still thinking about gratitude and how we show and share it. Think back to that simple exchange. When that’s happened, how did you feel? When someone thanks you or returns your – perhaps habitual – thanks, suddenly the whole conversation is a little different, isn’t it?
Spreading gratitude is good for us
You’ve surely seen a study or two, encouraging you to take time to feel grateful for the people you care about, or all that makes your life full. A quick search will turn up pages and pages. I’ll admit it can start sounding a bit much. (I write all day, do I really want to journal?)
But that good feeling you get when you feel grateful and thank someone… that’s backed up by science. And it makes sense that we’re built to feel good when we do something that strengthens relationships or even society. We make it together as a species, or we wouldn’t have survived this long.
This week, we in the US will celebrate Thanksgiving. Has it become about a meal? Yes. But it’s also a time when families and friends try to be together. (My kids will be home, and I can’t wait to get my arms around them.)
But it’s a more meaningful day if we take the time… even a few moments… to reflect on our thanks. Some families have made that part of the day. My family is usually too busy enjoying each other’s company and laughing. But that works, too.
And while I realize that not all family gatherings are happy… or possible… just making some time to think about what makes your life happier is good. But has saying thank you to your supporters become a task… even a chore?
So…we know feeling grateful is good – for the person being thanked, for the person thanking and for society. But has thanking your donors become just another step in getting work done?
Let me suggest you reflect on that, too. Giving it just a little more thought and allowing yourself to feel just a little more connected to the kind people who support the cause you care about, can change both how you feel and how they feel. Can you see a person in your mind as you put together that thank you letter? Can you imagine their reaction? When I get an acknowledgment, whether in my mail or email, there are two reactions:
File it for the taxes.
Oh… wow. That’s really nice. (heart swells just a bit)
Which organization is going to feel closer to my heart?
Spend 5 minutes to put yourself in your donors’ shoes. Show some real gratitude and genuine feelings.
And you’ll both feel better.
Mary Cahalane is principal at Hands-On Fundraising where she focuses on improving fundraising results through great communication and a donor-centered mindset. She writes this column exclusively for each issue of Foundation Magazine.
Related Posts
