By Jill Nelson
Do you know how others perceive your strengths or weaknesses?
Do you sometimes wonder what the “unwritten rules” are that guide your environment?
Do you have someone you can count on to give you objective and honest feedback regarding your challenges; someone you trust to ask for advice?
Maybe you could use a mentor.
At times, everyone can use a mentor
Quite some time ago—at a time when I already had considerable skill and expertise in fundraising as a gift planner—I received the gift of mentorship that got me through a difficult situation.
A prospective donor had emailed about setting up an endowment. They were adamant that they didn’t want a single cent of the money to be spent by our Foundation for administration. They instructed me to correspond only through email, and THEY WROTE THEIR EMAIL ALL IN CAPS, emphasizing their resolve. Knowing that our Foundation did not take a percentage of the gift, and that the capital in our endowed and expendable funds was directed entirely to the stated purpose, I wrote back explaining our fund management in some detail.
The response from the donor was AGAIN ALL IN CAPS, DEMANDING THAT THE FOUNDATION WOULD NOT TOUCH A CENT OF THE GIFT.
I was ready to suggest that the donor put their gift in an institutional donor-advised fund, but first, I turned to a colleague for his feedback.
That colleague, Greg Lichti, has been a kind and steady mentor for many in the major gifts and gift planning world, and this was not the first (or last) time he talked me down when I wasn’t seeing the full picture. His words turned the situation around and taught me a valuable lesson.
He calmly said, “Jill, you haven’t actually answered his question.” In my lengthy and well-meaning explanation, there was actually nothing that said, “the Foundation will not spend any of your donation; it will be used entirely for the research you want to support.” In the end, the donor made that gift directly to our organization, and their satisfaction led to more generous gifts.
Benefiting from different perspectives
Mentorship is valuable anywhere people want to learn and grow: on the job, at home, in the community. It can be within a formal or informal arrangement. Many growth-oriented organizations and professional associations strive to develop a mentoring environment, where sharing knowledge, mutual respect and trust accelerate learning and performance.
Mentorship is particularly useful in the gift planning field because of the unique challenges gift planners face. Gift Planning is multi-faceted, spanning technical tax knowledge, CRA regulations, marketing savvy, understanding of charity operations and governance systems, donor conversations, ethics, and relationship building. We can attend courses and conferences to learn theory, the Income Tax Act and CRA rules, but so much is learned, and judgment is developed through experience. Conversations with someone successful in the field can shorten the learning curve and make you more effective much sooner.
Mentorship can also help the mentee who is:
- the only gift planner in an organization, or when gift planning is just one of the hats you wear;
- starting a new job and wanting to learn how that organization operates;
- untangling an ethical issue;
- problem-solving within the unique challenges and opportunities in their organization.
Learning goes both ways
Being a mentor is truly rewarding. As we get more established, most of us inevitably want to shape the next generation and the future of our field. It’s also a powerful way to grow, both personally and professionally.
While leadership and mentorship are different, I think that all mentors are leaders. It certainly provides an opportunity to practice leadership skills, guiding, listening, and inspiring. Being a mentor can give you visibility, make new connections, and keep you fresh.
In his book From Strength to Strength, Arthur C. Brooks lays out his thesis that our brains change over time, and to stay mentally strong and healthy, we need to feel purpose. For many, that purpose lies in passing on our wisdom and helping the next generation. It is deeply rewarding to help someone navigate their journey.
This is echoed by Wharton School organizational psychologist and professor Adam Grant, who recently posted, “Being kind boosts mental health more than seeking joy…. Self-care feels good, but generosity builds lasting bonds.” (from a research study led by Maria Naclerio, PubMed ID 40875305). Mentoring is a wonderful act of other-kindness that by its very nature is generous and reduces feelings of isolation.
It’s important to approach the mentorship experience with an open mind. In my experience, the most effective attribute to cultivate in any endeavour is curiosity. It’s probably pretty obvious here: both the mentor and mentee are here to learn from others with different experiences. They both need to listen carefully, and think deeply about their own preconceptions.
The mentee must have the courage to seek out someone who will not simply reinforce what they already think. They have to be willing and eager to be given advice or guidance. The power in the mentorship experience is to have someone to ask questions, and help you see things from another angle.
The mentor must be more than a cheerleader. They play so many roles, like coach, adviser, role model, consultant and/or sounding board. So they must be prepared to give honest feedback, and kindly challenge assumptions or misapprehensions. Their advice should be specific to the individual they are talking to, not generic or general. They must share the unwritten rules and norms, and support their mentee with warm introductions to others who can help them.
Seeking out your mentor
If you work in a fairly niche field, how do you find mentors, especially since not everyone you have respect for is going to have the time to be a mentor?
Consider these options:
- Find people who are established in the field (perhaps through LinkedIn). Don’t be afraid to ask…. You’re trying to be a better at your work, after all, and the “asking” is what it’s all about. Remember that a “no” is not about you. Also be prepared. A clear ask with reasons is essential.
- Ask to shadow someone for a day, if they are doing work you are curious about. Look to colleagues or peers who know more about something than you do. For example, build trust by spending a day with fellow employees in different departments whose work intersects with yours, to learn what their work is like.
- Engage in information-gathering conversations with established people in your field, and ask for warm introductions to others.
- Attend conferences, courses or social get togethers in your field, if you’re lucky enough to have a professional development budget. Learn to network!
If you are a gift planner, some local chapters (including the Greater Toronto Area and Vancouver chapters) of the Canadian Association of Gift Planners have a formal mentorship program that matches individuals early in their career with experienced gift planners. Check out other related professional associations (AFP, CASE) to see if they might have one that would work for you.
In my own transition to consulting, I have been fortunate to join a firm in which collaboration and mentorship are practiced constantly, both between staff and for clients, who benefit from having a consultant who can provide professional, knowledgeable mentorship.
In closing, mentorship is powerful, and a win-win. The mentee gains guidance and support, and the mentor gains insight, influence, and inspiration. A mentoring environment in an organization or professional association builds knowledge and culture, developing respect, trust, and driving growth. Mentorship enhances and speeds up learning, leading to effectiveness on the job sooner.
Don’t wait, start your mentorship journey today.
Jill Nelson CFRE has benefited from the mentorship of many colleagues and peers over 30+ years in fundraising for all sizes of Canadian charities. She is currently a Senior Consultant with Global Philanthropic Inc. (Canada), and is faculty for CAGP courses, including the Original Gift Planning course and Gift Planning Fundamentals. globalphilanthropic.ca/experts/jill-nelson/
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